[walks into pet store puppy area wearing a huge coat]
[shuffles quickly out of pet store in a much tighter fitting coat]
friday at school i heard some girl in the hall way scream “FOR THE LAST TIME BITCH IM LESBIAN IM NOT TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND HE SMELLS LIKE KETCHUP ANYWAYS”
dentist: *shoots you* you’re bleeding b/c you dont floss
how to take a test: cry on the paper and the choice closest to your tear is the answer
don’t you just hate it when you want to get to know someone but you have no idea what to talk about
my only talent is not being in a relationship
what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
My brother’s friend was starting to apply for colleges. And one of the colleges he applied to required a 3 page essay explaining what daring meant to them.
So being the clever person he was
On the each page he wrote 1 word with huge font,
And he later got accepted.
this is my favorite story on tumblr
Something I realised, after having to help many international tourists count out their change, is that American coins don’t actually have the number value on them??? Like no wonder all these poor tourists are so confused
it just fucking says one “dime”
what the fuck is a dime
how much is it worth
whose idea was this
why is it that when dylan sprouse and calum hood had nudes leaked everyone praised how well they handled it and attacked those who leaked them, but when over 50 female celebrities have nudes leaked, the hacker responsible is called a ‘hero’ and the victims are called ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’
i know why